Why My Table Usually Has A Centerpiece

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Short answer: it's not because we are just so fancy.

We were watching an episode of Star Trek the other day where Geordi was trying to convince Data he needed to train his cat. I, being the owner of two head-strong felines myself, chuckled and shook my head. Anyone who lives with a cat will tell you - you might as well try to train a dragon.

My two cats are a great example of perfect cat-i-ness. While absolutely wonderful a lot of the time, they still have those moments where I wonder if maybe they were put on this planet just to drive me insane. Our Russian Blue Stormadeddon (as in Dark Lord of All) is normally so docile and sleepy. Exception being during that magical cat time when their inner clock tells them it's time to MOVE. That's when he runs exactly two high speed laps around our house, or plays a high energy game of floor is lava. The other cat, Odin, is our real problem though. I'd say Stormy is calm 90% of the time. Odin, on the other hand, is not. White, deaf, and with more than a few anxiety issues, when this cat gets riled up he can sound like something straight out of a nightmare, and not even know why we are all glaring at him (Stormy included).

When I say you can't train a cat I might have exaggerated a bit. You can, sort of, train a cat. For example, you can spray it with water every time it gets on the counter, and eventually they'll stop getting on the counter... when you're around. The problem with cats is that they're smart. They figure out sneaky ways to get what they want. But I want to be able to drink without fearing for my drink's life. And to have glass things displayed, and to own nice furniture, and to have a tablecloth stay on the table instead of being jerked off when then cats decide the NEED to run across any available long stretch of clean surface.

So how do I deal with the whole "we can't have nice things" thing? Centerpieces. AKA: finding ways to work with my cats.  So I know my cats are going to tear across the table. It's in their hunting genes, I guess. My solution is to put up a heavy centerpiece and when I come home I just tug the anchored tablecloth back into place. Bonus for added cuteness. All that I want is to display pretty breakable things? Arrange them int a way that makes the surface crowded and unappealing to cats. Furniture looks like you rub on it with a cheese grater? Artistically drape a blanket across it.

I'm not saying this is by any means a perfect system, and often I still want to pull my hair out and lock them into one room for all off eternity. But learning the tricks to make living with these beasts totally worth it. Especially when we are all sitting on the couch and they curl up beside you, tuck their heads underneath their paws, and purr softly.

Yeah. Worth it.

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